6 Rules to Survive Vegas as a First-Timer

Inside Outside: Office Humor

It’s time to (finally) visit Las Vegas. It’s my birthday this weekend. I live in the southwest. Tickets were cheap. Accommodations were free. The Hangover 3 hasn’t been filmed yet, and word is they need inspiration. Of course I’m going, who am I kidding?

But, so I don’t come back married to a 40-year-old biker dude, or $100,000 in debt to MGM Grand (or worse, both), I hit up an Outside editor and notorious Vegas veteran. He broke it down for me:

Rule #1: Whatever happens in Vegas definitely does not stay in Vegas. But it’s Vegas, so nobody really cares what you do anyway.
Rule #2: Always flirt with a rich-looking dude who’ll buy you drinks. (This one mostly applies to women).
Rule #3: $50-per-hand blackjack tables at 4 in the morning are always a bad idea.
Rule #4: If you’re a women, never take any dudes to the clubs, because you’re less likely to get in. If you’re a guy, beg and plead to go to the clubs with a few girlfriends, because you’ll never get in otherwise.
Rule #5: It’s never a good idea to jump in any sort of water, outside of designated pools, on casino property.
Rule #6: No matter how much fun you think you’re having or how much money you’re up, get out after two nights. Seriously. Any more exposure and it will alter the chemical makeup of your brain, like long exposure to radiation and Twitter feeds.

Ah, the benefits of working at Outside. And hey, at least if I return married or broke, I can tweet about it.

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